Using the Woolley Motivation Typology to Heal Infidelity With Emotionally Focused Therapy

Authors

DOI:

https://doi.org/10.5708/EJMH.20.2025.0035

Keywords:

affair, infidelity, EFT, motivations, typology, treatment

Abstract

This publication is part of the 2025 SPECIAL COMPILATION on “Family Therapy and Family Studies in Supporting Mental Health”.

Introduction: Infidelity is a common challenge in couple therapy and requires nuanced understandings and interventions tailored to the underlying motivations of the affair.

Areas covered: This paper offers a practical framework for addressing infidelity by integrating Woolley’s (2011) motivation-based typology of affairs into the practice of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Attachment Injury Repair Model (AIRM). The typology categorizes infidelity into three broad categories, and seven specific types based on motivations, offering a lens through which couple therapists can focus their approach.

Expert opinion: This article provides both general and specific treatment recommendations for each of the motivational types, which can help clinicians more effectively assist in ending affairs, reducing blaming, healing emotional wounds, creating safe emotional connection, and preventing future infidelity.

Conclusion: This article helps fill these gaps by laying out how the Woolley (2011) motivational typology can be used to guide treatment.

References

Algelt, E. E., McNulty, J. K., & Meltzel, A. L. (2022). Are certain people more prone toward infidelity? Own and partner personality and individual difference predictors of infidelity. In T. DeLecce & T. K. Shackelford (Eds.), The Oxford handbook of infidelity (pp. 3–27). Oxford University Press.
https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780197502891.013.1

Amato, P. R., & Previti, D. (2003). People’s reasons for divorcing: Gender, social class, the life course, and adjustment. Journal of Family Issues, 24(5), 602–626.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X03024005002

Asvadi, M., Bakhshipoor, A., & Tabadkan, B. Z. R. (2022). Comparing the effectiveness of emotionally focused couple therapy and cognitive-behavioral couple therapy on forgiveness and marital intimacy of women affected by infidelity in Mashhad. Journal of Community Health Research, 11(4).
https://doi.org/10.18502/jchr.v11i4.11644

Baucom, D. H., Snyder, D. K., & Gordon, K. C. (2009). Helping couples get past the affair: A clinician's guide. Guilford Press.

Beasley, C. C., & Ager, R. (2019). Emotionally focused couples therapy: A systematic review of its effectiveness over the past 19 years. Journal of Evidence-Based Social Work, 16(2), 144–159.
https://doi.org/10.1080/23761407.2018.1563013

Braithwaite, S. R., Coulson, G., Keddington, K., & Fincham, F. D. (2015). The influence of pornography on sexual scripts and hooking up among emerging adults in college. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 44(1), 111–123.
https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-014-0351-x

Carnes, P. (2015). Facing the shadow: Starting sexual and relationship recovery (3rd ed.). Gentle Path Press.

Carnes, P. J., & Adams, K. M. (Eds.). (2020). Clinical management of sex addiction (2nd ed.). Routledge.

Davala, M. A. & Mims, G. A. (2024). Monogamy and consensual non-monogamy fidelity preventing relationship crisis. In P. R. Peluso & T. J. Irvine (Eds.), Infidelity: A practitioner’s guide to working with couples in crisis (Family Systems Counseling: Innovations Then and Now) (2nd ed., pp. 21–37). Taylor & Francis.
https://doi.org/10.4324/9781003314776-4

Drake, D. & Caudill, J. (2019). Full disclosure: How to share the truth after sexual betrayal. Independently Published.

Fife, S. T., Weeks, G. R., & Gambescia, N. (2007). The intersystems approach to treating infidelity. In P. R. Peluso (Ed.), Infidelity: A practitioner's guide to working with couples in crisis (pp. 71–97). Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.

Fife, S. T., Weeks, G. R., & Stellberg-Filbert, M. (2013). Facilitating forgiveness in the treatment of infidelity: An interpersonal model. Journal of Family Therapy, 35(4), 343–367.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6427.2011.00561.x

Fincham, F. D., & May, R. W. (2017). Infidelity in romantic relationships. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 70–74.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.008

Fitzgerald, C. J., Moreno, C. & Thompson, J. (2022). Predicting online infidelity. In T. DeLecce & T. K. Shackelford (Eds.), The Oxford handbook of infidelity (pp. 153–171). Oxford University Press.
https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780197502891.013.8

Girard, A., Connor, J. J., & Woolley, S. R. (2018). An exploratory study of the role of infidelity typologies in predicting attachment anxiety and avoidance. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 46(1),124–134.
https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12371

Glass, S. P. & Staeheli, J. C. (2004). Not “just friends”: Rebuilding trust and recovering your sanity after infidelity. Free Press.

Gonzales, A. L., & Hancock, J. T. (2011). Mirror, mirror on my Facebook wall: Effects of exposure to Facebook on self-esteem. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 14(1–2), 79–83.
https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2009.0411

Grubbs, J. B., Hoagland, K. C., Lee, B. N., Grant, J., Davison, P., Reid, R. C., & Kraus, S. W. (2020). Sexual addiction 25 years on: A systematic and methodological review of empirical literature and an agenda for future research. Clinical Psychology Review, 82, Article 101925.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2020.101925

Halchuk, R. E., Makinen, J. A., & Johnson, S. M. (2010). Resolving attachment injuries in couples using emotionally focused therapy: A three-year follow-up. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 9(1), 31–47.
https://doi.org/10.1080/15332690903473069

Hertlein, K. M., & Piercy, F. P. (2006). Internet infidelity: A critical review of the literature. The Family Journal, 14(4), 366–371.
https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480706290508

Johnson, S. M. (2005). Broken bonds: An emotionally focused approach to infidelity. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 4(2–3), 17–29.
https://doi.org/10.1300/J398v04n02_03

Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown & Co.

Johnson, S. M. (2020). The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy: Creating connections (3rd Ed.). Routledge.
https://doi.org/10.4324/9781351168366

Johnson, S. M. (2022). The hold me tight workbook (A couple's guide for a lifetime of love). Routledge. Little, Brown & Co.

Johnson, S. M., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L., & Schindler, D. (1999). Emotionally focused couples therapy: Status and challenges. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6(1), 67–79.
https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.6.1.67

Johnson, S. M., Makinen, J. A., & Millikin, J. W. (2001). Attachment injuries in couple relationships: A new perspective on impasses in couples therapy. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 27(2), 145–155.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2001.tb01152.x

Lebow, J. L., Chambers, A. L., Christensen, A., & Johnson, S. M. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 145–168.
https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2011.00249.x

Makinen, J. A., & Johnson, S. M. (2006). Resolving attachment injuries in couples using emotionally focused therapy: Steps toward forgiveness and reconciliation. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 74(6), 1055–1064.
https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006x.74.6.1055

Mark, K. P., Garcia, J. R., & Fisher, H. E. (2015). Perceived emotional and sexual satisfaction across relationship contexts: Gender and sexual orientation differences and similarities. The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality. 24(2). 120–130.
https://doi.org/10.3138/cjhs.242-A8

May, M. (2023). The betrayal bind: How to heal when the person you love the most hurts you the worst. Central Recovery Press.

McKenna, K. Y., & Bargh, J. A. (2000). Plan 9 from cyberspace: The implications of the Internet for personality and social psychology. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 4(1), 57–75.
https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327957PSPR0401_6

Najibzadegan, A., Bahrainian, S. A., & Shahabizadeh, F. (2024). Effectiveness of emotionally focused couple therapy on intimacy, marital forgiveness, and marital burnout in women affected by extramarital affairs. Journal of Adolescent and Youth Psychological Studies, 5(7), 23–32.
https://doi.org/10.61838/kman.jayps.5.7.3

Pittman, F. (1990). Private lies: Infidelity and the betrayal of intimacy. W.W. Norton & Company.

Randall, A. K., & Bodenmann, G. (2017). Stress and its associations with relationship satisfaction. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 96–106.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.05.010

Reid, R. C., Carpenter, B. N., Spackman, M., & Willes, D. L. (2008). Alexithymia, emotional instability, and vulnerability to stress proneness in patients seeking help for hypersexual behavior. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 34(2), 133–149.
https://doi.org/10.1080/00926230701636197

Robles, T. F. (2014). Marital quality and health: Implications for marriage in the 21st century. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 23(6), 427–432.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721414549043

Robles, T. F., Slatcher, R. B., Trombello, J. M., & McGinn, M. M. (2014). Marital quality and health: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 140(1), 140–187.
https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031859

Rokach, A. & Chan, S. H. (2023). Love and infidelity: Causes and consequences. International Journal of Environment Research in Public Health, 20(5) Article 3904.
https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph20053904

Shrout, M. R., & Weigel, D. J. (2019). “Should I stay or should I go?” Understanding the noninvolved partner’s decision-making process following infidelity. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(2), 400–420.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407517733335

Spring, J. A. (2020). After the affair: Healing the pain and rebuilding trust when a partner has been unfaithful (3rd ed.). HarperCollins.

Smith, T. W., Cribbet, M. R., Nealey-Moore, J. B., Uchino, B. N., Williams, P. G., Mackenzie, J., & Thayer, J. F. (2011). Matters of the variable heart: Respiratory sinus arrhythmia response to marital interaction and associations with marital quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 100(1), 103–119.
https://doi.org/10.1037/a0021136

Snyder, D. K., Baucom, D. H., & Gordon, K. C. (2008). An integrative approach to treating infidelity. The Family Journal, 16(4), 300–307.
https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480708323200

Spengler, P. M., Lee, N. A., Wiebe, S. A., & Wittenborn, A. K. (2024). A comprehensive meta-analysis on the efficacy of emotionally focused couple therapy. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 13(2), 81–99.
https://doi.org/10.1037/cfp0000233

Stavrova, O., Pronk, T., & Denissen, J. (2023). Estranged and unhappy? Examining the dynamics of personal and relationship well-being surrounding infidelity. Psychological Science, 34(2), 143–169.
https://doi.org/10.1177/09567976221116892

Tangney, J. P., Stuewig, J., & Mashek, D. J. (2007). Moral emotions and moral behavior. Annual Review of Psychology, 58, 345–372.
https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.56.091103.070145

Timm, T. & Hertlein, K. (2020). Affair recovery in couple therapy. In K. S. Wampler & A. J. Blow (Eds.), The handbook of systemic family therapy: Systemic family therapy with couples (pp. 343–361). Wiley Blackwell.

Troxel, W. M., Robles, T. F., Hall, M., & Buysse, D. J. (2007). Marital quality and the marital bed: Examining the covariation between relationship quality and sleep. Sleep Medicine Reviews, 11(5), 389–404.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.smrv.2007.05.002

Vossler, A., & Moller, N. P. (2014). “The relationship past can’t be the future”: Couple counsellors’ experiences of working with infidelity. Sexual and Relationship Therapy, 29(4), 424–435.
https://doi.org/10.1080/14681994.2014.924619

Wang, Y., Jiao, Y., Nie, J., O’Neil, A., Huang, W., Zhang, L., Han, J., Li, H., Zhu, Y., & Woodward, M. (2020). Sex differences in the association between marital status and the risk of cardiovascular, cancer, and all-cause mortality: A systematic review and meta-analysis of 7,881,040 individuals. Global Health Research and Policy, 5, Article 4.
https://doi.org/10.1186/s41256-020-00133-8

Warach, B., & Josephs, L. (2019). The aftershocks of infidelity: A review of infidelity-based attachment trauma. Sexual and Relationship Therapy 36(1), 68–90.
https://doi.org/10.1080/14681994.2019.1577961

Weiser, A., Pickens, J. C. & Thomas A. V. (2022). Long-term infidelities. In T. DeLecce & T. K. Shackelford (Eds.), The Oxford handbook of infidelity (pp. 315–348). Oxford University Press.
https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780197502891.013.17

Woolley, S. R. (2011, June 3). Healing Affairs Using Emotional Focused Therapy [Workshop Presentation]. Training and Research Institute for EFT, San Diego, CA.

Zhao, J., Sohn, A., & Tadros, E. (2024). Disability and infidelity with a cross-cultural couple: An emotionally focused therapy case study. Person-Centered & Experiential Psychotherapies, 1–23.
https://doi.org/10.1080/14779757.2024.2402694

Published 2025-01-30

How to Cite

R. Woolley, S., & Koren, R. (2025). Using the Woolley Motivation Typology to Heal Infidelity With Emotionally Focused Therapy. European Journal of Mental Health, 20, e0035, 1–10. https://doi.org/10.5708/EJMH.20.2025.0035